Visiting Nana and Pop Pop.

Proof that Assisted Living Facilities (ALFs) can be fun places. This is from when I led a melted crayon art activity and Melinda* and I had a blast making a mess.

I’ve addressed before how intimidating nursing homes can be. Even for someone who is often in two or three different Skilled Nursing Facilities (SNFs) in a single day, I still come across situations that I’m unsure how to handle. Is the woman screaming for help in the room I walked by really needing assistance, or is it a symptom of dementia? Is the man in the wheelchair creepily staring at me, or is his eye sight failing and he’s trying to make out who I am? Even visiting a relative that you know well in an Assisted Living Facility (ALF), which has a much more home-like atmosphere, can be a less-than-ideal way to spend an afternoon. Here are some suggestions of ways to make your visit with Nana or Pop Pop better for both of you.

1. Come for a meal. The food isn’t (usually) too bad, and it gives you some structure for arriving and departing. Also, in a world mostly run by naps and medications, a meal is usually a scheduled highlight and something they’ll make a priority. If Nana is ambulatory and mobile, ask if she’d like to go out to lunch. We take a trip to a restaurant for granted, while for her it could be the highlight of her week to get out and about.

2. Ask to meet their friends. This is especially pertinent if you’re at a meal. It will be obvious that you don’t live at the facility, and other folks will want to meet you. Nana probably sits at the same table every meal with the same friends, so take time to get to know them as well.

3. Give them an opportunity for storytelling, and then really listen. Sure, Pop Pop might tell the same two stories about his experiences in Vietnam, but try and pay attention regardless. Ask questions about the story, show your interest, and let Pop Pop relive some important moments in his life. Some good questions to get the ball rolling include asking what their first job was, when and where they met their spouse, a favorite vacation they went on, who their favorite sibling was, where they were born, their favorite place they lived, and if they’re your grandparent, funny stories about your parent.

4. Bring a card, a picture, or a gift. As memory fades with age, having a physical reminder of your presence will be a talking point with their friends for days to come. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but flowers are always nice, and I have truly found that pictures of you, their loved one, are always treasured and shared.

Finally, remember that as uncomfortable as you may feel, or as big of an inconvenience it might be to make the trip, it means the world to them.