Nothing to do with seniors.
I have the 'talking to animals' part of Snow White down; now where the heck is Prince Charming?
When I first started this job, my residents gave me a hard time about two things: my height and the fact that I’m single. After a few months they mostly eased up on me, but every now and then they check in to see if I’m dating (they don’t have to check on the tall bit – it’s pretty apparent that’s not changing any time soon).
I wanted to write a post that has nothing to do with seniors, but I don’t have anywhere else to put it, so above is my brief, feeble attempt to justify this blog’s presence on Generations. I am single but looking, which means I go on a lot of first dates. Surprisingly, I really enjoy first dates. I like meeting new people, I enjoy trying new restaurants, and let’s be honest, who doesn’t like to have a captive audience when they talk about themselves?
Over the course of the past few years, I have subconsciously compiled a list of do’s and don’ts of first dates. My philosophy is that you typically have a connection with someone pretty quickly, or you don’t, but either way you know after the first date. As someone who has probably an above-average amount of first dates under my belt, I decided to actually list out my suggestions for first dates in the hopes that if there’s another single mid-twenties gal someplace, she would be encouraged to put herself out there and be ready to strike out again. Unfortunately for me but fortunately for your entertainment, all examples used are real experiences.
Rule 1: Make it casual.
If you’re worrying about whether or not your heel is going to get stuck on the sky terrace walkway, or if you’re using the right soup spoon, you’ll probably be too occupied to get to know him. Chances are, neither of you dress like that on a daily basis anyways. I’m not saying don’t dress to impress, but I’m merely suggesting that you wear something you feel both confident and comfortable in. One of my favorite first dates I ever went on was to a dive bar for beers and pool (which I’m horrible at, but so was he so it was alright), and I wore jeans and a t-shirt.
Rule 2: Meet him there.
Or if he is a real old-fashioned gentleman who insists on picking you up, give him an address a couple houses down the street, or walk to the front of your apartment complex to meet him. In the day and age of meeting strangers online, one can never be too careful. I always turn my location on my iPhone on so that my roommate can see where I’m at in case I’m out later than expected. I prefer meeting him there because it gives me a chance to case the joint when I arrive. I have driven past a first date before and given him the once-over before he knew it was me, which made me feel more confident when I walked up a couple minutes later after parking my car to actually meet him. Also, meeting him there gives you a better chance to follow rule number 6.
Rule 3: Have a shot in the parking lot.
Take this piece of advice with a grain of salt…especially if it’s a tequila shot. See what I did there?? All joking aside, do something to ease your nerves. Listen to your favorite song in the car on the drive there. Spritz on your ‘special occasion’ perfume. Do something that pumps you up and makes you feel confident. I sometimes do all three before I meet up with someone for the first time.
Rule 4: Pay attention to the first 5 minutes.
Are you physically attracted to him? Does he smell good, or like he hasn’t showered in a month? Was he nice to the waiter who showed you to your table, or to the bartender when he ordered a drink? Is he the good kind of nervous/awkward you should be when you first meet someone, or does it feel like this is the first date he’s gone on without his mom? Are you more interested in the attractive, friendly waiter/bartender? If so, consider lingering after the date for a ‘cleansing’ drink. Truth be told, I’ve had a solid recovery from a bad first date thanks to a very cute and heavy-on-the-pour bartender.
Rule 5: Pay attention to the last 5 minutes.
Is he trying to make a first date into more than just a first date? Did he pay? Did you want him to? Are you relieved the date is over, or are you looking for a reason to continue it? Did he hug you? Or did he shake your hand and act so formal that you thought he was going to ask you to endorse him on LinkedIn next?
Rule 6: Have an out.
Even if you think he’s Prince Charming from your text conversations or from the pictures on his online bio, always have a safety plan for ending the date without hurting his feelings. What happens if he does something unpredictable, like try to convince you that the moon landing was faked? Or call his mom from the table at the restaurant to check in and see if she wants anything? What if he tells you that, despite being a self-proclaimed ‘successful businessman,’ he’s living out of his car for a while? Or hands you a framed picture he’s drawn…of you. Wouldn’t you want a reason to say, ‘Hey, thanks so much, that looks just like me, wow, but I really have to go’? Because I definitely did.
Rule 7: Trust your gut.
A good friend once told me that on first dates, he’s either a ‘HECK YEAH’ or a ‘no.’ It’s important to give second chances, or to get to know people better, sure, but also, by the time you’re my age (the ripe old age of 26), you have an idea of what you like. In any relationship there are compromises that have to be made, but if you’re dedicated to your job in Oregon and he’s in the military based out of California and is essentially quarantined from public communications, developing a relationship is probably out of the question. Or if he’s a licensed practicing dentist who has so many things going for him but makes a joke about ‘boobies’ on the date and you find yourself trying to fake a laugh because hey, he’s a dentist, it’s probably still a ‘no.’
Maybe you do the opposite of all of these so-called rules and you find your soul mate. More power to you! But what would be the point of me going through all these ridiculous experiences if I can’t make someone laugh? If they weren’t good for finding me love, they have to be good for something. And if you’re someone who found this post offensive or so unrelated to previous geriatric posts that you just can’t believe I included it here, don’t worry; we will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
