I have 53 kids.
I used to really look forward to being a mom, and lately that’s diminished some. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I’ve realized I’m pretty terrified of babies, and it turns out if you want to have your own kids babies are pretty unavoidable. I think another factor is that my residents can be very child-like, and I’m realizing how nice it is to go home and not have to deal with them (props to all you moms and dads out there who don’t get to quit at 5pm for the day, and especially my stay-at-home mom because she had four little terrors to deal with).
When it comes to cognition and physical needs, elderly folks are pretty similar to kids, right down to the brand of diaper they wear. I decided to list out a few ways I’ve noticed that my residents can resemble little children. These are all real things that have happened.
- A resident who needed to show me all the Sudoku puzzles she’d solved…and by solved I mean looked in the back at the answers and then copied those onto the puzzle, and then needed praise for her 'work.'
- Anything I’m holding, this resident wants one too. ‘Oh is that a pen? Can I have it? Oh is that couch going in a resident’s room? I want one too! Why can’t I have one? Why?’
- A resident who is always making a mess of paper towels all over the public bathroom in the lobby, then coming up to the Front Desk to report that someone made a mess of paper towels in the bathroom, and it needs to be cleaned up immediately.
- Two residents who got into a physical altercation in the dining room because one sat in what the other had deemed 'his' seat.
- A resident who enjoys stealing things from other residents, especially candy.
- A resident who complains if he doesn’t win at bingo.
- Multiple residents have been overheard griping about having to eat vegetables.
- My friend Michael who still wants a hug every single time he sees me, no matter what I’m holding in my hands at the time or if I’m with a guest.
- A resident who demands to ‘swing dance’ (which is just him spinning me in circles a few times) no matter what I’m holding in my hands at the time or if I’m with a guest.
- A resident who has a habit of ordering a big meal, then when it’s ready, deciding she’s not hungry and doesn’t want it after all.
- Multiple residents asking me to change the weather outside from clouds to sun (mostly joking, but not completely).
- A resident who needs reminders to wear her pull-ups and not wet her bed, or her couch, or her chair in the dining room.
- A tiny little resident who will throw a tantrum (including yelling racial slurs, cuss words, and anything that comes into her mind) in the lobby if staff don’t come immediately to put her jacket on, then take it off, then put it on, then take it back to her room, then get her a different jacket because the last one was too small/large/thick/thin/etc, on and on.
This doesn’t make growing old appealing, I know that. We as a society are aware of these behaviors and terrified that one day they might happen to us. It’s true – they might happen to you! And unfortunately, that’s unavoidable. Like I’ve said before, growing old is a privilege, even if it doesn’t seem that way when you’re facing a future of reverting back to acting/thinking/feeling like a child. Your body will change, your memory will fade, and your life will look very, very different. There’s nothing you or I can do to fully prevent these things from happening. But I’d like to emphasize that this doesn’t mean you can’t still be happy, and that you can’t grow old well. I work with folks who are battling and resisting these changes, and with folks who have accepted them and are determined to thrive nonetheless. Take a moment and consider which camp is happier, and then set your sights on joining them as you age.
