We've never been apart.
Not actually Kurt and Dee, but still adorable
I’m 25 years old, and while that feels like I have a decent amount of life under my belt, more than one person who I’ve met in this industry has acted out the rocking-a-baby-to-sleep motion when they learn my age. I get it; compared to most of them, I’m young. And if you ask my residents, I’m practically still in the womb. But 25 is old enough to learn what real love is (bear with me; this relates to geriatrics, I promise).
I’ve been in love, had my heart broken, actually been in love for real this time, broken someone else’s heart, and witnessed a lot of other people doing the same. Falling in and out of love is kind of the thing to do in your mid-twenties, apparently. For those of you who are married, good for you, but I’m about to put your love story to shame with a tale about a couple who showed me just how deep true love runs. Sound like the tag line for a new Disney movie? It should be – dibs on the copyright.
I met Dee first. She came with her grandson who had previously toured our ALF and decided he liked us enough to bring his grandma back for further inspection. Dee was a sweetheart; she was easy to please, and while she was clearly (and understandably) a little overwhelmed with the situation, she was so grateful to her family for helping her make this big decision for her and her husband, Kurt.
The grandson was the one running the show, the businessman of the family, and he was named Kurt after his grandfather. Young Kurt brought Kurt Sr. to tour our community a few days after he brought Dee (health issues prevented them from touring at the same time), and all Kurt Sr. was concerned about was whether or not Dee had liked us. When we walked through the dining room he commented on where he thought Dee would like to sit. We stopped in the apartment Young Kurt had earmarked for his grandparents, and after giving it the once over, Kurt Sr. asked one question, directed at Young Kurt. ‘Did Dee like it?’ And when Young Kurt assured him that she had, Kurt Sr. decided it was a good enough place, and that settled the matter.
Unfortunately, before they could move in, Kurt Sr. came down with pneumonia, and had to be admitted to the hospital for intensive care. The family and I decided that we shouldn’t wait to provide Dee with the care she needed, so we moved her into our community first. She was upbeat and positive about the move, but told anyone and everyone how many years she and Kurt had been married, and how in that whole time span they had never been apart until now.
Dee quickly made friends and seemed to be adjusting to life without Kurt in the ALF better than her family had expected. Unfortunately, the opposite had happened for Kurt. He was not doing well, and remained in intensive care. Most days a family member would come and bring Dee from the community to the hospital to be by his side. After almost a week, the family, the hospital and I came to the difficult conclusion that Kurt was not likely to pull through this sickness, and then the focus became his comfort, and helping Dee as life changed again for her yet again. Young Kurt and I managed to work a few quick details out, and after a couple visits to the hospital, we decided to move Kurt Sr. into the apartment where Dee was living with hospice care for his final days. After barely 48 hours in our community, he passed away with Dee and his family by his side.
Again, Dee, although affected, did better than we all expected. She wasn’t as peppy as she had been before, but she still came to meals with her friends in the dining room and had a smile for all of the staff, as well as a reminder of how long she and Kurt had been together, and how they’d never been apart, not until now.
One day not long after Kurt Sr.’s death, perhaps a week, Dee suffered what appeared to be a mild heart attack and was taken to the hospital. On her way out the door, she could be heard telling the ambulance staff that she was going to the same hospital that Kurt Sr. had been at, and that they had been married so many years, and that she had lived with her parents before that and never lived alone. That was the last time we saw her; she passed away in the hospital. Frankly, her passing baffled both the staff at our ALF as well as at the hospital. She was very healthy and in good shape; she should have bounced back from this episode fairly quickly. But you know what? Dee and Kurt Sr. had been married a long time (have I mentioned that?) and she’d never lived alone; she and Kurt had barely spent a night apart after they were married. She didn’t know how to live life without Kurt, and I don’t think she wanted to. She wasn’t a bitter woman; she expressed to me multiple times what a wonderful life she’d had, and how much she loved her grand kids, like Young Kurt, and her great-grand kids, like Young Kurt’s two adorable little daughters who used to tromp around our community with Dee in their colorful rain boots.
This isn’t an uncommon scenario when it comes to elderly couples. One half passes away and the other half intends to continue living their life, but either their spirit or their body gives up the desire to continue, and they pass away as well. Dee and Kurt spent hardly any time in our community, but we were all touched by their love and affection for one another. After years and years, Kurt’s main concern was whether or not Dee liked the place they were going to live, and as long as she was satisfied, he was too. And after years and years, Dee’s main concern was that people knew about her long marriage to Kurt, and how they never were apart. A week was too long for Dee to be without Kurt; I'm sure he picked out the best room in Heaven for them to share. And I know she’s telling every single angel for the 75th time how long they’ve been together, and how they’ll never be apart again.
