A Girl Called Pchhhkay.
Michael and me with Napoleon, the therapy alpaca.
I’ll admit it – I have a resident boyfriend. Well, actually, if I based it off of the number of male residents who have called me their girlfriend, I’d have about six, but in my mind I have one. I’m going to call him Michael.
Michael is different. He’s younger than you’d expect. In fact, he might be younger than some of you reading this blog. Michael has a form of autism and is almost completely deaf. He is high-functioning, but can’t live alone, and thus he’s one of my Assisted Living residents. I’ve gotten to know Michael well by now, but it was a slow start. He is neurotic, has obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and is very strictly independent. He runs on a tight schedule and is out of the building frequently. Most mornings he takes the bus to Starbucks where he gets a latte and reads the newspaper, or he sits outside of our facility and waits for his ride to take him to a special-needs center for activities. Every now and then he comes downstairs with a hat on, clutching a battered leather suitcase, and then we know his family is on the way to pick him up for a weekend out of town.
He’s a sweetheart through and through, and is very helpful to have around the community (he’s always picking up trash or wiping up other resident’s spills), but he can be a little off-putting at first. At least, he was for me. He doesn’t speak English, but he aggressively signs and speak his own language. I can tell by now (eight months later) when he’s saying his name for me, which sounds like ‘pchhhkay' (good luck pronouncing that). I can usually tell what he’s saying by now, and if I don’t know, I can look around the room and find something that would upset him (chipped door frame, trash on the ground, another resident looking like they need help), and then take care of it. If I accompany the resident group on the weekly outing on our bus to Fred Meyers, he will make sure my seat belt is fastened and my arm rest down.
He’s overall very friendly, but not close with any other members of our staff. He will wave at them and say, ‘Ellellooooo,’ which is obviously ‘hello,’ but when he sees me, he will exclaim his greeting, hug me, kiss my cheek, stroke my hair, and then hold my hand for a second. I don’t know why he chose me as his favorite staff member, but he has definitely made it clear that I am.
We had a therapy Alpaca come and visit us at the facility the other week, and it was so much fun! The residents loved it. Michael loved it, too, but at first he was also terrified. He reached to pet its head, but he tried to pet too close to its eyes, and it jerked back. It startled him, and he jumped back and started exclaiming in Michael-speak to everyone around him. He was clearly very stressed, but also very intrigued. Enter Tracy.
He saw me on the other side of the alpaca, and immediately waved me over. He grabbed my hand and started exclaiming to me and pointing to the alpaca. I nodded, and then pet the alpaca’s neck to show how easy it was. He gripped my hand tightly and worked up the courage to pet the alpaca’s neck…and loved it. He also took a picture hugging the alpaca, or coming as close to hugging it as he would without actually touching it. He took a picture holding my hand behind the alpaca, but it looked like he was hugging it, and that was enough for him.
There are upsides and downsides to being a resident’s favorite staff member. First of all, no matter what I’m holding or where I’m going, if he sees me, he’s going to hug me. Hot coffee that might spill on him? No concern. Rushing off to a meeting? Not a problem. I was once walking out from the facility with another resident’s family member, and Michael was sitting outside. When he saw me, he of course got up to go through our usual routine. It’s not inappropriate by any means, but for some reason it made that family member uncomfortable (I think for my sake), and she touched Michael’s back and said, ‘Okay, that’s enough.’ He didn’t pay any attention to her, but finished his hug-kiss-stroke-hold hands routine, then sat back down. She might have felt odd about Michael’s special greeting for me, but I love it and Michael loves it, so she will just have to deal with it. If her dad wanted to greet me as enthusiastically as Michael does, I’d return it with just as much gusto as I do towards Michael.
One reason that I’m so defensive of my routine with Michael is due to an interaction I had with his sister, who is also his guardian. One day when he was returning from a vacation with his family he happened to encounter me just inside the front doors. He was more excited to see me than he’s ever been due to his prolonged absence,
and I received a very enthusiastic greeting which I reciprocated. He was telling me in his own way all about his trip, and once he had finished and rushed off inside, his sister approached me. She thanked me so sincerely for being kind to her brother, and for looking happy to see him. I could tell that she was protective of Michael, and I believe for good reason. I’m sure he hasn’t made many friends during his life, or received many hugs from people outside of his family. Every time she’s been here to visit him since that one exchange, she always makes it a point to drop into my office and ask me how her brother is doing and to thank me for caring for him, which I happily tell her I feel honored to do.
I never decided to become his favorite, or went out of my way to befriend him; it just happened. I don’t initiate our hugs, or demand his attention. He just chose me. And now that he’s chosen me, it doesn’t matter what I do, or how busy I am, or what else is going on. He will always set down his coat and coffee to hug me (without giving me time to do the same), and he will always offer up a cheery ‘pchhhkay’ whenever he sees me. And I will always be grateful.
